


If You Could Feel My Pulse

by valvalvalerie



Category: Outlast (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming Out, F/M, Fluff, Multi, Trans Female Character, Trans Waylon, eventual waylon/eddie, she's poly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-07 22:02:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valvalvalerie/pseuds/valvalvalerie
Summary: Waylon Park was an ordinary college student. At least, that's what everyone thought.Trans female Waylon college AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first work on AO3, I hope you guys like it!  
> I'm a trans girl so if you call this transphobic thats your opinion.  
> Not meant to be an accurate portrayal of my or other trans women's experiences. I just wanted to write fluff.

Waylon Park was a normal man. He was nineteen years old, a college student, and had a girlfriend. He liked video games and was talented with computers. He’d say his life was pretty good. 

But that was the outside. On the inside, he felt much different. His girlfriend was nice, sure, but he didn’t ever feel real attraction to her. He would look into the window of the local women’s clothing store and imagine himself looking like the models he saw on the advertisements. Pretty. Soft. Feminine. He always felt like this. For as long as he could remember. 

Her dorm was the only place she felt she could be herself. Her roommate, Miles Upshur, was the only one that knew her secret. He kept it, of course. They’ve been best friends since middle school. He was the only one Waylon knew she could trust. Waylon put on her makeup, her flowery dress, and her wig. She walked out of her room and spun around for Miles, who applauded.  
“How do I look?” She asked, her voice taking on a softer and more feminine tone.  
“Fantastic as usual.” Miles replied. She smiled.  
“Okay, help me set up the camera for the video?” Waylon requested. Miles nodded and set up the camera in front of their couch. She sat down, and Miles started filming.

She looked up at the camera and sighed. “Hi, Lisa. It’s me, Waylon. I’m going to start out by saying that I know I should be telling you this face to face. I just can’t find the courage to. This isn’t a break up, I just wanted to tell you something.” She paused, her voice breaking as if she was about to cry.  
“I’m not the man you know me as. Or I should say, I’m not even a man. I don’t think I ever was. If you need to break up with me, that’s fine. I understand. But please, just respect my choice. My name’s still going to be Waylon, just so you know.” She laughed, the kind of laugh someone would give when they were trying to hide their feelings. “Sorry, I’m getting emotional. I guess this means I should sign off now. Thanks for--” She felt herself tear up. “Thanks for listening.” She gave Miles the signal to stop filming, and he did.

“That was good, Way.” He said.  
“I need a hug.” She responded. He gladly obliged, wrapping his arms around her luckily smaller frame. She felt small in his arms. She liked that. She liked him. But she couldn’t say it. They were better off as friends. That’s what she told herself, at least. All those thoughts. What was Lisa going to think? If she broke up with her, would they remain friends? Waylon liked Lisa as a friend. She finally started to cry into Miles’ chest. Miles rubbed her back in firm circles.

After a few minutes of Waylon ugly-sobbing her makeup off onto Miles’ white t-shirt, she let go. She took a deep breath and wiped away the rest of her tears.  
“You alright now, Way?” He asked. She nodded. He smiled at her.  
“Tomorrow I’ll show her the video.” She said.  
“I’m supporting you the whole way.” He replied with sincerity  
“Miles, your sap is showing. Better put that shit away before I find out you’re actually a softie.” She joked. Miles laughed, and went to save the video to Waylon’s laptop.

Once the video was saved, Waylon started to head to sleep. She had a big day coming, and she needed to feel well rested. Things were hard enough already.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waylon tells her girlfriend, Lisa, about her secret.

Waylon, despite going to bed at a good time, barely got any sleep that night. She stared up at the ceiling, wrapped up in her blanket, sweating even though she was hardly warm. She kept thinking of what Lisa would say about her, or what she would do. She sighed, getting out of bed. It was time to get up for her classes. She got ready, dressed in her “male” clothes, and headed to her lecture. She kept messing with her short hair the whole time, hating how it felt. She wished so badly it was longer. Luckily, she had been putting off getting her haircut so it was just coming to her ears.

When the lecture, which felt like it lasted for days, was finally over, she texted Lisa.  
“hey lisa, can i show you something today?” She sent.  
“Sure. What did you want to show me?” Lisa replied. The dreaded question.  
“um nothing much lol. meet me at my dorm? miles has work.”   
“Alright, I’ll be there at 12:30.” Waylon took a shaky breath, going back to her dorm to mentally prepare herself.

She took the time before Lisa came to make sure everything was hidden until she could show the video. Any makeup that was out she put away, her closet containing her dresses was closed, everything. When that was done, she sat on the couch, bouncing her leg and trying to practice her breathing.

It was a couple minutes passed 12:30 when Lisa finally arrived. Waylon opened the door, giving her a hug. She hated that she had been lying to Lisa for so long. About herself, about her attraction towards her. They’ve only been dating for a couple of months, but she hated lying. She couldn’t hide herself any longer.

“So,” Lisa said, sitting down on her couch. “What’s up, Way?” Waylon swallowed and took a deep breath, opening her laptop.  
“It’s a… It’s a video.” Waylon said. Lisa looked concerned.   
“Why do you sound so nervous?” She asked after a moment.  
“Just… Let the video speak for itself.” Waylon said.

She played the video. Lisa’s eyes widened with realization. She turned to Waylon, who was facing the laptop and biting her nails.  
“That explains a lot…” She said. Waylon looked back at her.  
“Wh-what do you mean..?”  
“Well, for one, it explains why you’re always cleanly shaved. Don’t think I don’t notice.”  
“What else is there..?”  
“To put it bluntly, it’s why you never have sex with me, right?” Lisa asked. Waylon laughed nervously.  
“Y-yes…” She replied. “I hate how I look down there, to be honest… I can’t stand touching it… And also, I, um, I’ve been lying to you about one more big thing, which relates to… Well, that.” Lisa looked her in the eyes. She wanted to give Waylon her full attention, which made Waylon more nervous.  
“Tell me. You don’t have to keep anything from me.” Waylon squirmed. She wished.  
“I… I like men. I’m, well, straight. Since I’m a girl and all.” She laughed a little, coming out as straight was amusing to her. Not something someone usually did. Lisa didn’t say anything. She just nodded. Waylon chewed her lower lip. Lisa was angry, she was sure of it.

Lisa finally spoke.  
“Waylon. I’m really glad you told me. I guess this means we have to break up, right?” Waylon choked back tears.  
“This isn’t a bad thing,” Lisa continued. “I want you to be happy. I don’t think you’re happy with me. We can be friends.” Waylon let out a shaky sigh, and wiped her eyes.  
“Thank you, Lisa. You should be happy too, and you can’t be happy with someone who isn’t happy with you.” Waylon hoped she worded that properly. But when Lisa gave her a smile, she thought the message came through just fine.  
“This is honestly a relief for me, too.” Lisa laughed. “I always thought we were better as friends.” That brought a smile to Waylon’s face, too. Lisa gave her a hug. The kind of tight hug a best friend would give. When she let go, Waylon spoke.  
“Um, one more thing,” Waylon started. “Please don’t call me brave or anything like that. I’m just trying to be me.” Lisa laughed.  
“Don’t worry, I may make fun of you more often, though.” She said. Waylon giggled softly.  
“I missed that about our friendship.”  
Lisa nodded. “Listen, Way, I’ve gotta go now, but text me soon. Oh, and your makeup looked fantastic in the video.” Waylon nodded back, smiling.  
“Sure, I’ll text you. Thanks.” Lisa got up and left the dorm, and Waylon locked the door behind her. 

Things were looking up for her so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading. I hope you like this chapter as well!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed my fic! Please feel free to leave feedback!


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